I've got the ring. Now what?

May 09, 2013

"When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." 
 ~ Nora Ephron, When Harry Met Sally

Hi ♥

When my boyfriend of six years surprised me with a short note, a ring and the words "will you marry me?" I didn't even hesitate. I think my exact words were "Oh my god. Yes." Very cliche, I know, but the whole thing took me completely by surprise. As far as I knew we were having a night in eating pizza and watching movies before heading out for a big day trip the next day. Ironically, the place we were headed was the very same place my parents went for a couple of days AFTER they got married; a post wedding, pre honeymoon trip, if you will.

I had not expected him to propose. Despite discussing marriage in the past and dropping a few cheeky hints (and a couple of complaints) I never thought that on Friday 1st of July 2011 he would be down on one knee, ring box in his hands, asking me to marry him. We had already decided to move  out of our parents' houses and into a place of our own on the 1st of September and so we spoke of waiting to make any concrete plans as to a date until after our move.

I'm still waiting for that date.

Yes, a lot has happened between then and now. I lost my job and still haven't found new work. We had to move out of that flat four months into a twelve month lease. We bought our own flat in March 2012 and spent some of our savings on decorating. As a couple, we are stronger than ever but the word "wedding" is now like one sort of illness that immediately sucks the room dry of conversation and results in an extreme amount of eye-rolling and sighing. Suddenly, there's a change of subject and I'm left feeling like there's nothing he wants less than to get married. What has happened to my fiancé in two years that makes him dig his heels in like my dog when she doesn't want to move? 

Of course, he says he still wants to get married and for me to be his wife and I do believe him. The only thing is there seems to be a distinct lack of desire to walk down that aisle any time soon. Sure, we don't have the money for a lavish wedding and we probably never will. However, we do have enough to get married and make "something" of the day. We already live together with our dog like a married couple so what is the problem?

Maybe that is the problem. Maybe he already feels like we are married just without the legalities of it all, without  that "piece of paper". Thing is, that piece of paper is actually pretty important to me. I don't need the big day or the fairytale dress. I don't need every single person we know to be there. I don't need people fawning over me all day, saying how pretty I look or how the ceremony was lovely. All I need is my darling, sweet, wonderful love of my life to set a date, meet me at the end of that aisle and say "I do".

Now how do I tell him that and get him to understand?

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