The A to Z of Me Series | Yes

March 20, 2014

Oh, it's the penultimate post in my A to Z of Me Series. I can't quite believe that it was almost half a year ago that I decided to embark on this little challenge and now I find myself and the letter Y...

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Y is for Yes

Having anxiety means that I find myself saying "no" to quite a lot of different experiences and social functions. I don't like to put myself into any situations that are likely to make me uncomfortable. Unfortunately this means that I mostly avoid places and people that I don't know so as not to find myself in big crowds and awkward situations on the verge of a panic attack. I am aware that this is causing me to miss out on a lot and that, in this regard, I need to learn to say yes more. 

Recently, my best friend from college came to visit from London. I hadn't seen her in about a year and was determined that I would see her during her flying visit to Glasgow. The next time I would get to see her would be my wedding in August. So I said "yes" when she asked if I was free. I said "yes" when she told me that it would be about 4pm when she finally got to mine despite it being later than we had planned. Even things like a change in time can freak me out and get me to pull out of plans sometimes. I said "yes" despite having a stress headache. 

Do you know what? It was fantastic. I'm so glad that I didn't let anxiety kick in and make up some excuse. We had an amazing chat and it was amazing to have someone other than family tell me how excited they are for my wedding. We both opened up about our anxiety (neither of us realised the other suffered too) over some tea and muffins and it was nice to be back with my best friend.  It was nice to know it was okay to say "yes".

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On the other hand, I am so guilty for saying "yes" to things just to avoid confrontation. I have the tendency to agree out loud to whatever someone is suggesting while inside I'm screaming "no!" This has already happened a couple of times in the whole wedding planning process (re: guest list) and, to be honest, it hasn't really saved me any grief in the long run. I'll go along with something just because it seems to be the done thing even if it makes me feel uncomfortable. It really should stop. I need to remember that while I want to say yes to more experiences it is still okay to say no sometimes.

There has to be a balance. Putting myself out there more and being open to more experiences is a must and the perfect opportunity to say "yes" more. However, if I disagree or don't want something I need to be brave and say "no". It is okay to have different opinions from others and, more importantly, it's okay to say so.

Have you got a good balance between saying yes and no?

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  1. Go you for saying yes!
    Any changes in plans, times and such set my anxiety off. Even meeting up with people sets my anxiety off, I'm so afraid that the plans, times and whatever have changed and I haven't been told.

    I'll be the first to admit, I'm a people pleaser and I'm 'too nice' (it's definitely possible), I will say yes to any request for help regardless of whether I can actually do it or not. I completely don't mind when it is something that it want to do but for my job it really puts a lot of stress on myself. I'm slowly working on it (read: not really at all).

    I am becoming more verbal in my thoughts though. I will still say yes to help people but I'm so much more at ease with telling people what I think about them, things and all that.

    You'll get there! You're already doing amazing! I would have cancelled at the thought of changing the meeting time.

    ~ K

    1. Thank you so much, my lovely.

      My anxiety seems to be set off by just about anything at the moment but meeting up with people and any kind of change in plans has always been a trigger for me. I'm trying to work on it. I don't feel like much of an adult when I'm freaking out about stuff that most people wouldn't even think about! Good for you being more verbal as it's something I clearly struggle with in the outside world.

      Debi x


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