Family Matters

August 29, 2014

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If you have paid any attention to what I write here on this little space on the internet then it will come as no surprise to you when I say that family means a great deal to me. I know that I am incredibly fortunate to have grown up in a tight knit family with great relationships between my parents and my five sisters. Not everybody gets that and it makes me so grateful that I do.

There wasn't a whole lot of extended family to go around though. Sometimes relationships crumble, even family ones, as life gets in the way and priorities change. It's not just friends that drift apart over time but those who you call family too. As with anything, if you want your family relationships to withstand the tests of time then you've got to put in the work. It has to be a two way street where both sides do their damnest to see that there is longevity there.

Four weeks ago my family of eight formally grew. I got married to the man of my dreams and the love of my life and together we now have officially made our own family. No, there's no children (yet) but together with the dog we are a family. He is my husband and I am his wife. As before, if we want our little family to work out then we have to put in the time and effort to communicate and be there for each other. When we change we have to try to change together in ways that compliment to other so as not to drift apart. The husband and I have been doing that pretty well for the last nine years so I'm not worried

My heart will forever belong to my parents and sisters. There's no denying that I'll always be a member of Team S. However, when I married that man I also accepted that I had a new branch of  family and even more relationships that I have to work on. When you care about someone (and I have a whole lot of people I do care about) working at your relationship shouldn't be a struggle. It should just be an extension of who you are and how you relate to others. If there is a struggle and too much continual drama it could be time to cut ties. I don't foresee that happening for me though. Plus, right now I think I'm just going to enjoy having my family grow a little more.

I'm lucky though. I have amazing relationships with all the different branches of my family tree. Some I'm sure will need a little more work to keep sailing along smoothly but it'll be worth it.

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4 comments :

  1. It's great that you have such a great relationship with both sides of your family. Both sides of my now extended family have never met and to be honest I don't even know if they would get on - my mam makes everything really hard, she's rather judgemental, and to be honest we don't have the best relationship.

    What's been weird for me was coming from a somewhat small family - or at least having I guess an average size family that doesn't really talk much to marrying into my husbands who has like 16 cousins on his mams side alone (she's one of 7). It's huge and to be honest, they don't particularly like us either haha because they don't like the life choices Joe's mum made so it's reflected on him and his sister, it's really shit stuff like that happens, especially in families.

    I guess because we have such distance from both our families, we're pretty much on our own and self reliant which actually for us, works best. I think we both need that distance between us and our families for things to run smoothly!

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    1. It's been quite an adjustment over the last nine years going from pretty much only having my parents and sisters as my family to joining my husbands family who has so many extended relatives that it's hard to keep track! Our family dynamics are quite different which has caused issues in the past but we've worked most of that out now. I do feel lucky to seemingly be liked by the husband's family at least. I don't like being disliked and I would hate to have to face any kind of confrontation on a regular basis.

      We do well on our own but I love having the support of our family. It's really important to me but I understand that's just not the same for everyone else. Sometimes all you need is each other though!

      Debi x

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  2. I love that you have an amazing family network, mine is far from ideal and tbh breaks apart more and more every year that goes by. I've grown to be used to it now, but it can make for awkward conversations when I have to try and explain my family dynamic.

    There is something so natural and lovely about when you speak about them, none of that "look at my amazing life and my amazing family unit" stuff thats can annoy me. I think I even like the sounds of your family haha!

    Kris and I are best left as our two person team, it works for us and we can do it (most of the time) by ourselves. Really, I don't think we have ever leant on our family and I like to keep it that way. I'm still being reminded of the time we stayed at my aunts place for 1 months in the summer between uni years (4years ago!) and how much electric we used!!

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    1. Family can be so strange. That's rotten that you don't have the best family network but sometimes it is just best when you find that family of your own like you have with Kris. Sometimes it's just better to be a pair instead of a whole group that brings their own drama into everything!

      I'd never want someone to think I was bragging about my family relationships. I just realise that I'm lucky and not everyone has what I do. My parents' relationships with their parents are proof of that! The fact that their relationships were very messy is probably part of the reason why I am willing to work hard for mine.

      Debi x

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