Saying Goodbye to Friendships

November 07, 2014

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Around this time last year I wrote THIS blog post about outgrowing friends and now, here I am, feeling the same way all over again.

It occurred to me recently that another friendship I really valued has quite possibly fizzled out for good. It makes me sad to think that I've come to the end of this chapter after fourteen years of varying friendship. A part of me doesn't want to let go and still desires to reach out just one more time but the grown up, level headed Debi says it's probably just time to let it go.

Some friendships are harder to say goodbye to than others. With so much shared history, it can be hard to admit that a particular stage of your life is over. Over the years I have lost countless friends. Some due to arguments but mostly down to just drifting apart when school or college wasn't there to hold us together and force us to have things in common. This one feels different.

For about ten years I shared every ounce of my life with this girl. She was there through the tough times as well as the good. She was my rock, my confidant, never judging and always doling out good advice when I needed it. When there was a huge amount of drama and our friendship group was almost torn a part, she stood by my side and was the greatest support I could have ever have hoped for. We would spend hours on the phone to each other despite the fact we sat together in most of our classes. There was never a dull moment to be had when we were together.

After I left school we drifted apart a little bit but we still spoke often even if only through texts, Facebook and the occasional catch up in person. We had changed and become different people without school to remind us of what we shared and yet we still seemed to fit together when we did talk. She was one of the two non-family members that I told that I was engaged before announcing it on social media. She was one of the few friends I invited to my wedding, who said she would be there and then she did what she had been getting good at; she let me down.

Don't get me wrong, we've both let each other down at moments through our friendship. It's natural that we couldn't be there for every moment or that sometimes we just didn't update each other on all the little things we had going on. We have our own lives, live in different cities albeit only an hour drive away. I get that. I was just hurt when she told me she couldn't be at my big day because she was still travelling but (and here's the real kicker) would be back for good about ten days later. I was gutted.

It struck me just the other week that I don't think we have anything in common any more. She's still a lovely girl and there hasn't been any drama or bitchiness which makes me want to throw in the towel on our friendship. However, I am getting tired of feeling like being the only one to make an effort, the only one trying to keep this friendship going. I'll still have her on Facebook and I'm sure there'll be the occasional text but I think it's time to drop the "friend" label.

Sometimes you've just got to say goodbye one final time, shut the door on a part of your life and step forward. Who knows what lies ahead anyway?
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6 comments :

  1. That's really rubbish to hear, but sounds like you are doing the right thing.
    Have to admit, I am terrible at keeping in touch with friends and in my life people have only remained friends as long as they were directly in the picture. At some point we move on with life and those that stay, stay and those that don't, don't. I think it comes with life, and we have less and less friends the older we get.

    More friends will be found :)

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    1. I always tried to stay in touch with a lot of the people I was friends with at school or college but it got to the stage where it felt like I was the only one making the effort so I gave up and gradually they all disappeared. It sucks when you lose a friend but there's plenty more people out there!
      Debi x

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  2. I know how you feel. I have drifted away from two or three friends and it definitely sucks. Even when they don't do anything wrong and there's no reason to stop being friends it can just feel really rubbish when you're putting in all the effort and there definitely comes a point where you have to give up and let go. Anyways, here's to new friendships in the future :) x Sinead - Dreaming Again

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    1. I think it's sometimes worse when they (or you) haven't done anything wrong but the friendship just fizzles out. Sometimes people just drift apart though and there's nothing that can be done about that. Plus sometimes you've gotta make some space for the new people in your life anyway.
      Debi x

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  3. A lot of my high school friendships and even my best friend at uni, my friendships kinda all just tend to fade away. No one says anything, nothing in particular happens they just fade. I guess as we all grow up, those that stick around and those that make the effort those are the ones focusing on whether that's friends or family. It sucks that it happens though, especially when you go way back and where once close. But sometimes you have to let the ship sail.

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    1. Absolutely. People change and friendships fade but that moment that you realise a really long friendship has come to an end is always a bit rubbish. There's no point trying to keep people in your life who aren't interested in you being a part of theirs though. The only option then is to say goodbye.
      Debi x

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