When You Fall A Little Out of Love...

May 15, 2015

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Writing brings me a lot of joy. It's relaxing and cathartic all at once, it showcases my creativity and perhaps even a little of my skill, it allows me freedom to say what I'm thinking and let you know a little bit more about me. But what about when you fall out of love with writing, or more specifically blogging? What happens then?

Okay, maybe it isn't fair to say that I've fallen out of love with blogging. I still enjoy it. Writing still brightens my day a little when I eventually get around to doing so. It's just that when I do have a spot of spare time at the moment I find myself drawn to other things rather than sitting down with my laptop, a freshly made cup of coffee beside me and spilling my thoughts onto the blank screen in front of me. 

It has been no secret that I've struggled to keep up with my blogging schedule, even when I changed from four days to three. Motivation disappeared and I was left wanting to do anything else but write. When once I would have spend an entire day in front of my laptop now nine times out of ten I want to curl up on the couch watching Netflix or colouring in. Don't get me wrong, I also have been doing other things like housework and seeing family. My butt isn't permanently glued to the couch.

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For a while it drove me mad that every time I sat down to write I would be stuck with a few clumsy sentences that would have me reaching for the delete key. Then I realised not to worry about it, to ignore it. Instead of trying to force the words to come it made more sense to watch that third episode of The Vampire Diaries or lose myself in a book. But then the itch began. The desire to write came back despite not having anything worthwhile to say. What was my problem? Why was it so hard to do something I loved?

Well, I've had a think about it and I think I've finally identified what was the issue and whilst perhaps I don't know how to fix it I think that it's a step in the right direction so I'm just going to go with it.

Firstly, last month threw some pretty big curve balls my way which meant I couldn't blog, I had to take a step back and take care of myself first and foremost. When I find myself struggling internally with whatever then I get the worst case of writer's block imaginable and that's exactly what I found happening. Not only was I struggling to find the motivation to write, I struggled to even know what to write about. All ideas were sucked dry and anything worth writing about wouldn't have been good enough anyway.

Which brings me onto my second point: the feeling of not getting anywhere.

Now, I know I say that I write this blog for myself (and primarily I do) but that isn't to say that I don't want my blog to grow, my readership to expand and for opportunities to come knocking at my door. The trouble is I'm a bit of a perfectionist and people pleaser. I want to do well at all things I attempt to do, I want people to like what I do, I want people to like me. After a while of seeing other blogs and bloggers do better and get bigger, I began to think "What's wrong with me? What am I doing wrong?" The answer is nothing and I know that it's silly to feel that way but sometimes it's just the way I feel. Remember this blog is meant to be for me and no one else.

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Being a perfectionist also means that I have hated the shoddy photographs I've had to supply you with since my camera broke as I don't have the money for a new one at the moment and have had to revert to my very  old one. The pictures come out grainy and the colour balance is always all wrong no matter how much editing I attempt to do on them. I hate feeling like I'm putting something half-assed out there, on my blog. I don't like what it says about me.

Anxiety is another big issue that stops me writing on occasion. Carrying around a ball of frustration and worry in your chest, day in, day out, leads to me wanting to do something mind numbing like watching trashy films on Netflix. I've been having a bit of a tough time with anxiety and low moods lately and I know that isn't helping with my writing problems.

So, I've fallen a little out of love with blogging and writing, I've lost my fluidity with words and it feels horrible - strange even. I won't force myself to write if I'm not feeling it but I'm also not going to let all this hard work from the past two years on this blog be for nothing. I don't want the little friendships that I have made to disintegrate because I couldn't get off my butt and write a few posts, comment on other blogs or join in a conversation on twitter. Should inspiration strike, even if only for a moment, then I'll grab hold of it tightly and do my very best not to let it go.
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5 comments :

  1. Studying a photography degree made me fall out of love with photography, but when I transferred to creative writing, my love for it came back! :D
    I'm not sure if it's the psychological effect of thinking that 'you have to do something' and that's what makes it off putting.
    I only post when I feel I want to share something, I never stick to a schedule or routine which goes against a zillion laws of blogging but hey ho, I still love it and that's what matters :)
    Hope you get your writing mojo back ^.^
    Much love

    Sarah xxo | thesaltyseablog.blogspot.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
  2. Great post =]

    emyii90.blogspot.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
  3. I think it's totally fine that you have fallen a little bit out of love with blogging. Do the things that interest you and make you happy, see where they go! I'm sure you'll fall back in love with blogging again. I think we all get a bit bored with things we love every now and again, we take a break for a while, but we usually miss it and come back eventually :) Don't force yourself to do it if you don't want to...we'll be here to read when you get back! x

    Sinead | Dreaming Again

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  4. Sometimes I question this blogging stuff. Sometimes I think, for something that's meant to be fun, meant to be a hobby, it sure causes me a lot of internal drama. I love blogging, I really do, it has given me a lot but sometimes, I just don't feel like it. I just can't be bothered with it sometimes. I certainly can't be bothered with the social media side of it haha, I'm so lazy at twitter, although I do like Instagram :)
    I've been so out of sync with my mojo these last few weeks. I've had too many things that I need to do for blogging and it's just not as fun... sigh. They are almost finished though, so hopefully my mojo will come back.
    I blame the sunshine, I just want to go out and enjoy it and do stuff :)

    I hope your mojo comes back soon! I miss seeing you on my Feedly!

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  5. Ah Debi I feel your pain right now! It's so impossible to force creativity isn't it? You just described exactly how I'm feeling right now, far more eloquently than i could haha. I know what you mean about other bloggers too - it can be both frustrating and inspiring to see others whizz past you and not be able to fathom what they're doing. Hope inspiration strikes soon because I love your blog! I also love posts about nothing in particular, just day to day life, so y'know, that works too :P
    lily x
    jolihouse.com

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