Read This In One Year's Time

September 29, 2015

 photo Autumn 2015.jpg

Dear Debi,

Almost a whole nine months of 2015 have disappeared in the blink of an eye and lately I've been wondering what the hell I have to show for it. My only real answer is "not a lot." There have already been far too many disappointments and losses this year and we still have another three months to face. Dreams have been teetering on the edge of reality only to come crashing down, ruined and broken. Once. Twice. Three times. No one should ever have to go through that pain and loss even once never mind three times in such quick succession. Most days I don't feel particularly strong but I hope that by the time you read this in 2016 that you realise just how brave and strong you've been. After all, I'm pretty sure that you are still standing.

No matter your current situation, by the time that you read this I'm sure each of those losses is still something you carry with you every day. I imagine it's something that will never leave us but instead will be a piece of us forever. I don't expect the pain to have disappeared but I hope for your sake that it has at least numbed. Maybe you've even got a new little distraction. That's all we really want. I hope you do.

If you don't, and even if you do, just take a moment to look around you. If you have any more than what I've got right now then you are beyond lucky because despite all the twists and turns this year has thrown my way, I still know that I am luckier than most. I have an amazing husband who loves and cares for me in ways that I never thought possible. I have an adorable Jack Russell Terrier who is more caring than most people I know and is a dream come true. I have a family that would make others turn green with envy and friends that are loyal and true. I have my health and my home. I am lucky. You are lucky. Don't ever forget that. Even when life gives you lemons.

As I write this it is an absolutely beautiful day. We're saying goodbye to summer and I can feel the autumn chill seeping its way in despite the sun sidling in through the clouds and trees to dance shadows across the living room. The trees are bursting into colour with bright reds and oranges but I know that it won't be long until they are left bare by winter. After all, the nights are already drawing in. Winter is coming and yet the beauty of the world is astonishing. A tiny part of me today thinks that as summer transitions into autumn I should close the chapter on the past few months and move on. Maybe I will. Maybe I need more time. Either way you'll know.

I hope that you got exactly what we wanted in the next year - that rainbow baby, more money, more experiences, more fun. I hope that you're not taking anything for granted because life is too damn short for that. I hope that life starts to be kinder to you and you achieve all the little things that you want to. Above all I hope that you are happy. I think we can both agree that you deserve to be.

Love always,
Debi x

Although technically this was written on the 22nd of September 2015 due to the magic of scheduling it won't go live until the 29th and therefore I suggest that your re-read this letter again on the 29th of September 2016. Put it in your diary!
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1 comment :

  1. I hope you get all these things too! Definitely something to read again in a years time :)


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